Hubby vs Wife diary

WIFE's DIARY

Sunday night - I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a cafe to have some coffee. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but his mind was far away. I asked him what was wrong - he said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love u, too.'

When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV; he seemed distant and absent. Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.

My life is a disaster.

HUSBAND's DIARY

Today Manchester United lost again.....

INTELLIGENT WOMAN

Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter.
10 men and 1 woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them
all, so they decided that 1 had to leave,
because otherwise they were all going to fall.
They weren't able to choose that person,
until the woman gave a very touching speech.

She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because,
as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her
husband and kids or for men in general, and was
used to always making sacrifices with little in return.
As soon as she finished her speech,
all the men started clapping .......

Tom & Jerry

What does Marriage Mean?

Father knows best

A young boy had just gotten his driver's license and inquired of his father, if they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his son. "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we'll talk about the car."

The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer and they agreed on it.After about six weeks his father said,

"Son, I've been real proud. You brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm real disappointed you haven't gotten your hair cut."

The young man paused a moment then said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that,and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair."

To this his father replied, "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"

Cup of Tea

To all the poor innocent Dads out there:

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.
I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident.
Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up.

Then she says, (as only a mother would know... :)

'Did it ever occur to you that the only place that our baby can reach to get water is the toilet????'

Adam's Love

It was a cheerful day in the college campus. Red roses, hearty balloons and greeting cards were seen everywhere. Every face had a smile and every hand had a hand to clasp. Amidst this lovely environment sat Susanna, wondering if anything was wrong with her. A new kind of loneliness filled her heart in spite of her being a cheerful bubbly girl with lots of friends. "Am I not worth it?" was the question running in her mind. She looked up and saw all her friends with their own partners happily exchanging presents.

"Susanna", came a voice, which disturbed her thinking. It was Abi, her best pal in class. He had his own trademark smile on his face as he sat near her. "Why are you sitting alone?" he asked her, with an all-knowing glitter in his eyes. She felt that he could really read her mind. "Can I ask you a question?" asked Abi. She nodded with affirmation. "Whom do you think Adam would have selected as his life-partner before Eve came into his life?". Susanna looked all puzzled because this thought had never crossed her mind before.

Abi said, "Well, I have a story to read to you Susanna, are you in a mood to listen?" Susanna nodded again.

"As he looked up and saw all the animals and all of the earth, he felt very proud to be the ruler of all. Adam was very happy in his kingdom "The Garden of Eden". As he walked past the animals, he saw that every animal had a pair. A sudden loneliness filled his heart.

Now, if he had decided to search for his partner on his own, he would have searched all of his Garden of Eden and would have got dejected. He would have consoled himself and would have settled for the cutest of the cutest Chimpanzee. He would have showered it with all his love. He would have clasped its hands. He would have told the Chimpanzee how much it means to him. Probably he would have even tried to kiss it and show his love.

But all his actions would have gone in vain. Though he consciously would have decided to accompany the Chimpanzee wherever it went,he would not have experienced true happiness or true love. Neither the Chimpanzee nor Adam would have understood each other's language.

Instead you know what Adam did? He knew God would give him his life-partner. He waited. And sure enough, God gave him Eve, a beautiful young woman whom Adam wouldn't even have imagined. They understood each other so well. They lived together expressing and exchanging true love and bliss."

Susanna's eyes lit up. She understood what Abi was ablout to tell her.

Dear friends, if you feel you are single and lonely, you have two options...
One - you can go and search of your life-partner yourself. But remember, all you'll get is just the cutest of the cutest Chimpanzee.
Two - You can decide to wait and depend on God to give you your soul mate, your Adam/Eve.

If you think you've already found your sweetheart and that your sweetheart does not understand your feelings and is always being indifferent to you, please understand that Chimpanzee do not understand Human's language and emotions.

Business!!! - nice one

The Manager says: "Do you have any sales experience?"

The Indian says: "Sir, I was a salesman back home in India."

Well, the boss liked the Indian chappie so he gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow.. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the boss came down.

"How many sales did you make today?"

Indian boy says: "Sir, Just ONE sale."

The boss says: "Just one? No! No! No! You see here our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day." If you want to keep this job, you'd better be doing better than just one sale. By the way, how much was the sale for?"

Indian boy says: " $101 237. 64"

Boss says: "$101 237. 64? What the hell did you sell?"

Indian boy says: "Sir, First I sell him small fishhook. Then I sell him medium fishhook. Then I sell him large fishhook. Then I sold him new fishing rod and some fishing gear. Then I ask him where he's going fishing and he said down on the coast, so I told him he'll be needing a boat, so we went down to the boating department and I sell him twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to our automotive department and sell him that 4X4 Blazer. I then ask him where he'll be staying, and since he had no accommodation, I took him to camping department and sell him one of those new igloo 6 sleeper camper tents. Then the guy said, while we're at it, I should throw in about $100 worth of groceries and two cases of beer.

The boss said: "You're not serious? A guy came in here to buy a fishhook and you sold him a boat, a 4X4 truck and a tent?"

Indian boy says: "No Sirji, actually he came in to buy Anacin for his headache, and I said: Well, fishing is the best way to relax your mind."

Real Love...

Cho chweet... :)))

Letter to god!!!

A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.

Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the Rs.50.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, INDIA, they decided to forward it to the President of the India as a joke.

The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs.20.

The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money (Rs.50) to a little boy, and he did not want to spoil the kid.

The little boy was delighted with Rs.20, and decided to write a thank you note to God, which read:

"Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through the Rashtrapati Bhavan in New Delhi , and those guys are deducted Rs.30 in taxes ... "

Fortune & Personality Traits From The Tips Of Your Fingers

It is already an accepted fact that every single person in the world has a different set of fingerprints. The Chinese have devised a way to read personality & destiny traits by studying the waves and the circles that appear at the tips of everyone’s fingers – indeed so convinced are they that in the old days the fingers of prospective daughters-in-law were carefully scrutinized by prominent families to ensure they did not unwittingly welcome women who had fingers that showed alternate circles and waves on their fingers, as it was commonly believed that such women would bring trouble into the family, being particularly difficult to control and usually very aggressive.

In this issue of FSW we bring you some indications of destiny & personality traits based on the circles and waves on the five fingers of each hand. Guys should examine their left hands while women should look at their right hands.

Here are the two different patterns of circles and waves seen on every finger. To make a reading, look at your thumb print first, then your index finger, your middle finger, your ring finger and then your little finger in that order. This is the sequence that offers clues to your destiny & fortunes of your life.

For ease of reference we shall refer to circles as Os and to waves as Ws.

Shape: OOOOO (all whorls)
Means: This person is very confident, has a strong character and a hot temper. He/she is an independent person. The luck of this person changes dramatically in life from one period to the next. The undoing of this person will be his/her hot temper so it is vital that this person must learn to be patient and calm.

Shape: WWWWW (all waves)
Means: This person is a straightforward honest person who goes with the flow. The fingers indicate someone very sensitive, who is especially suited to design and creative work. People with these fingerprint patterns tend to be shy and uncomfortable in social situations, so are not suited to work in PR, politics or any kind of work requiring them to meet people.

Shape: OWWWO
Means: If you can choose a prestigious working career, you will be very successful. However, you should avoid the tendency to get big-headed and you must never take your career for granted. You should also watch your back, as you tend to attract jealousy into your life and could get betrayed. Always look for long-term benefits.

Shape: OWWOW
Means: You will need to work harder during the early days of your career. When you reach middle and older age, you will get recognition and wealth luck. So your life gets better the older you get.

Shape: OWOWW
Means: It is vital that you resist the tendency to be narrow-minded in your attitudes and in the way you think and work. Try to be humble and learn as much as possible. This is how you will get influential help that brings you to the peak of your business and career life.

Shape: WOOOO
Means: You are a very clear-minded person. As long as you work hard, you are guaranteed to be
successful. Even though you tend to be in a hurry, there will be those who help you along. You are also a person with a kind heart.

Shape: OOOOW
Means: Because you are kind and have an in-built polite attitude, you will easily get help from older persons and friends. You will enjoy great success in your working life and your only weakness is you don’t trust people too easily. This can make you too conservative.

Shape: OOOWW
Means: You have a tendency to be bad tempered, and rather quick to judge. This is a shallow attitude and could easily get you onto the wrong path. If you can correct this tendency of yours, you will have great success. The potential is in you, so try to be calm in your approach.

Shape: OWWWW
Means: You have good character but can only become really successful in older age. Be prepared to have to work really hard during your younger and middle age periods, but you will become a successful person in older years.

Shape: WOWWW
Means: You are very good in the social skills. No matter what industry you are in, you like to take risk and you will always face uncertainty. Be careful as the later years of your life could bring yet more challenges. Take less risk as you get older.

Shape: WWOWW
Means: You are a person who has high vision and heavy responsibility. Be careful. Your visions could get you into serious difficulty. Better to stay more grounded, then your life will have greater success.

Shape: WWWOW
Means: You are very intelligent and will enjoy a lot of scholastic honours. You will have a smooth life and benefit from wealth luck. If you can work hard, you will become a great and successful person.

Shape: WWWWO
Means: You will inherit a business or property from your parents or from an older person. Even though you are a capable person and can be successful in your own business, your tendency towards impatience could get you into a lot of difficulty.

Shape: OOWWW
Means: You have a tendency to be proud and snobbish, although deep inside you are a kind-hearted person. Your social skills however need improving. Your relatives tend to take advantage of you.

Shape: WOWWO
Means: You are a deep thinking person. At a young age, you are already thinking of your future. You will enjoy a smooth and peaceful life; you will be very happy in your old age.

Shape: WOWOO
Means: You are a very sociable person and you enjoy the carefree kind of life going out, partying and clubbing. When you reach middle and older age, you will rely on people to support you. Be warned, if you do not prepare yourself, you might have a hard time during your older years.

Shape: WOWOW
Means: You are not an easy person to control or to convince, as you are something of a rebel. If you can stay focused on what you want from life, you will be successful. The problem is that you can be fickle and vague in what you really want from life.

Shape: WWOWO
Means: Your whole life is full of ups and downs, successes and failures. However, if you can
move steadily step-by-step, you can enjoy a peaceful life as you grow into maturity.

Shape: WWWOO
Means: You are very kindhearted person and there will be good people in your life, as you will attract these kinds of people towards you. Work hard and you will easily reap your just rewards. You will definitely become successful.

Shape: OWWOO
Means: You will get recognition and become famous. Even though your life appears unstable during your earlier years of working life and you need to work hard in your thirties, when you reach maturity, your life gets better and better.

Shape: WWOOW
Means: You are a very capable person, but you tend to lack good judgement. You also tend to start something and then lose interest. Stay focused if you want to succeed.

Shape: OWOOW
Means: You are a noble person with a good character. You tend to be very helpful towards colleagues and friends so you are a popular person. Because you can think in-depth and have sensitivity towards others, you will enjoy success in the creative fields.

Shape: OWOWO
Means: You are blessed with a fast and formidable intellect. You work very quickly and with great effectiveness. However, your character is very aggressive and people tend to be intimidated by you. If you can correct this trait, you can rise to great heights.

Shape: WWOOO
Means: You are a very straightforward person. But your thinking tends to be rather naïve and shallow. Even though your suggestions are good, if you don’t think through what you say, you should not be surprised if people tend to ignore your views. Your speech tends to lack power.

Shape: OOWOW
Means: You are a high-minded person, able to see and grab opportunities. You are best suited to work in the financial and investment fields. Your luck gets better as you grow older.

Shape: OOWWO
Means: You are a very honest and reputable person. You have little urge to get rich or pursue material wealth. But watch it, if you don’t know how to take care of yourself, you can easily get conned and taken advantage of by people.

Shape: OOOWO
Means: Your social skills are good, so you attract guidance and help from influential people. Many people help you in your rise to prominence, and your luck turns fabulous in later years.

Shape: OOWOO
Means: You are a very brave and hardworking person. A lot of people trust you when you are young. However, unless you work at preserving your reputation, you could make enemies on your rise up and find that life becomes harder as you get older.

Shape: OWOOO
Means: You are a kindhearted character and easily get along with others. You are not good at doing business, but you are good as a teacher or even as a spiritual master. You can enjoy success in the academic world.

Shape: WOOWW
Means: You are reputable and have a peaceful character. So you are definitely someone who can become successful and recognized. However, because of your tendency towards pride, you could end up offending the wrong people.

Shape: WOOWO
Means: You are a simple but logical person. If you can focus on the fundamentals of life and adopt a step-by-step approach in your climb up the success ladder and not be too impatient, you will benefit from wealth luck and be honored by people.

Shape: WOOOW
Means: You are a straight talking person who is forthright in your approach. You are strong in character, playful but you also easily offend people. But you are also lucky because when you reach middle age, you will rise to a prominent position and your luck really changes for the better

Surely i can't look that old!!!

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "Surely i can't look that old." well……..You'll love this one.

My name is Alice Miller and I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my grammar school class some 40 odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan park school.

"Yes. yes, I did. I'm a mustang," he gleamed with pride.

"When did you graduate?" I asked.

He answered , "in 1967. why do you ask?"

"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely.

Then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled, over-weight, gray-haired asked, "what did you teach?"

Copy Paste Error

A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience. Said he: "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!"

The audience was in silence and shock.
The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"
Laughter and applause.

A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a drink.

He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"
The wife went wan with shock and rage.
Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "... and I can't remember who she was!"

Moral of the story:
Don't copy if you can't paste!

Love Vs Arranged Marriage

Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage?

Love Marriage

• Resembles procedural programming language. We have some set of functions like flirting, going to movies together, making long conversations on phone and then try to fit all functions to the candidate we like.
• Family system hangs because hardware (called Parents) is not responding.
• You are the project leader so "U" are responsible for implementation and execution of PROJECT- married life.
• Client expectations include exciting feature as spouse cooking food, washing clothes etc.
• Love Marriage is like Windows, beautiful n seductive…. Yet one never knows when it will crash….

Arranged Marriage

• Similar to object oriented programming approach. We first fix the candidate and then try to implement functions on her. The functions are added to supplement the main program. The functions can be added or deleted.
• Compatible with hardware( Parents).
• You are a team member under project leader (parents) so they are responsible for successful execution of project Married life.
• All these features are covered in the SRS (System Req. Specification) as required features.
• Arranged Marriage is like Unix …. boring n colorless… still extremely reliable n robust.

Money speaks!!

Interview Blues

"PEOPLE who say that shyness is desirable don't know what they are talking about," said my husband. My four-year-old daughter Ambu, shy child that she is, had remained adamantly silent during her LKG interview last year.

This year my husband and I were trying to get her admitted into UKG in one of the best schools in the city. I decided that she should overcome her shyness. I learnt from my friend that the principal of the school encouraged children to be observant. She didn't ask them the usual inane questions. She would ask the child about what she'd seen that morning at home or on her way to school. In other words, she wanted children to be spontaneous.

I set about "training" Ambu to be spontaneous. I wanted Ambu to bowl the principal over with her intelligent answers. At the end of the interview, the principal would be so impressed with my daughter's intelligence that she would welcome her to the school.

What were the things Ambu needed to "observe" and talk about? What about plants and flowers? Yes, that would be a good beginning. I bought pots of chrysanthemums, zinnias, asparagus and balsam. I even contemplated buying poinsettia but was put off by the price. I taught her to say, "This morning, I saw red chrysanthemums, pink balsams and magenta zinnias in our garden."

I borrowed my neighbour's Great Dane puppies and taught Ambu to say, "I saw six Great Dane puppies this morning in my neighbour's garden. One of them was a brindled one." That would show the principal that Ambu could count and also that she had picked up difficult words like "brindled".

I taught Ambu to say, "This morning I saw my mother do her office work at home. She also made breakfast for me. I want to be like my mother when I grow up."

Training Ambu to make such "spontaneous" observations took a month. But now my husband and I were confident that this time the interview would be a breeze. There couldn't have been a more confident pair than the two of us as we strode into the principal's room, Ambu in tow. My friend had been right. The principal asked Ambu what she'd seen at home that morning.

We were on very sure ground. We'd prepared the child thoroughly for this. "Go on, Ambu. Tell the principal what you saw this morning," my husband encouragingly.

To our consternation, Ambu said, "Amma and appa had a fight this morning."

"Darling," I said. "I don't think you've understood the question. What did you observe this morning?"

"This morning I saw you and appa fight," she said doggedly. Turning to the principal, she said, "This is how it all began. Amma said to me, `Ambu you must do well in today's interview. You're a brilliant child like Kitchami thatha'."

"Kitchami thatha is my grandfather. He's mother's daddy," Ambu offered by way of explanation. She then continued, "Appa then said, `But she'll be even more brilliant if she takes after my father.'

"Amma said to appa, `Do you have to run down my family all the time?'

"Appa said, `I'm not trying to run down your family. I'm only speaking the truth.'

"Amma said, `My father won six gold medals in Maths.'

"Appa said, `My father won five gold medals in Physics.'

"Amma said, "But in qualities like patience, I hope she takes after me.'

"Appa said, `Patient? You? What a joke!'

"Then grandma said, `Stop fighting, the two of you. You'll be late for the interview. Everyone says the principal is a bulldog. You don't want to annoy her by being late.'

Ambu smiled at us and turning to the principal, she finished her narration with a flourish, "And that ma'am, is what I observed this morning." There was an awkward silence in the room. I was as red as a beetroot. My husband groaned in despair. I tried to salvage whatever shreds of dignity were left to us. I mumbled something to the principal about how nice it had been meeting her and took leave of her.

My mother-in-law was waiting anxiously for us. "How did it go? What did the bulldog ask the child," she asked us. "I did very well, paati," said Ambu. "I told the principal what I observed this morning."

"It was a nightmare," said my husband. The chrysanthemums and zinnias seemed to mock me. I retired to bed a nervous wreck.

A week later, a letter came from the school. "Why bother to open the envelope? I'm not interested in seeing the rejection letter," said my husband. I opened the cover. Inside was a letter, "Your child Ambujam has been admitted to the UKG class. Fees have to be paid before... " Appended to this was a handwritten note, "bulldogs have a sense of humour too."

Our Daily Life in a Software Company!!!

Better way to explain our daily life huh! ;)

Love knows no stain!!

What do women really want?

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur's youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed.

The question was: What do women really want?

Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and, to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. Well, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end. He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princess, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, the court jester. In all, he spoke with everyone but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

What most people did tell him was to consult the old witch, as only she would know the answer. The price would be high, since the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no alternative but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer his question, but he'd have to accept her price first: The old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified: she was hunchbacked and awfully hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage water, often made obscene noises. He had never run across such a repugnant creature. He refused to force his friend to marry her and have to endure such a burden.

Gawain, upon learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He told him that nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthur's question: What a woman really wants is to be able to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it went. The neighboring monarch spared Arthur's life and granted him total freedom.

What a wedding Gawain and the witch had! Arthur was torn between relief and anguish. Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous. The old witch put her worst manners on display. She ate with her hands, belched and farted, and made everyone uncomfortable.

The wedding night approached: Gawain, steeling himself for a horrific night, entered the bedroom. What a sight awaited! The most beautiful woman he'd ever seen lay before him! Gawain was astounded and asked what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her (when she'd been a witch), half the time she would be her horrible, deformed self, and the other half, she would be her beautiful maiden self.

She asked him which would he want her to be during the day and which during the night?

What a cruel question? Gawain began to think of his predicament: During the day a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his home, an old spooky witch? Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch, but by night a beautiful woman to enjoy many intimate moments?

What would you do? What Gawain chose follows below, but don't read until you've made your own choice.

Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose for herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time, because he had respected her and had let her be in charge of her own life.

The Moral of the Story: It doesn't matter if your woman is pretty or ugly, underneath it all, she's still a witch!

Important Health Message

Tamilnadu kidney Research Foundation

There is a foundation called TANKER (Tamilnadu kidney Research Foundation), where they treat all kidney related problems free of cost.

They even do Dialysis free of cost.

Please forward this message and let
people utilize this opportunity. It can help people who are in need.

Forward to all your friends, we do not know ...it may be helpful for at least one.

For details check the following website.

http://www.tankerfoundation.com
Email: tankerfoundation@tankerfoundation.com

Before marriage and After marriage

Before marriage....

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!

After marriage....
Simply read from bottom to top.

Worldwide Survey word by word!

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the shortage of food in rest of the world".

The survey was a huge failure...... ... Do you know WHY?

* In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant.

* In Pakistan they didn't know what 'honest' meant.

* In Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant.

* In China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant.

* In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant.

* In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant.

* And in the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant.

How to correct a girl?

This is Why I didnt take up GRE !!!!!

A NORMAL PERSON : People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
GRE STUDENT : Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting perilous projectiles.

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NORMAL PERSON : Twinkle, twinkle, little star
GRE STUDENT : Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minim.

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NORMAL PERSON : All that glitters is not gold.
GRE STUDENT : All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.

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NORMAL PERSON : Beggars are not choosers
GRE STUDENT : Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.

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NORMAL PERSON : Dead men tell no tales
GRE STUDENT : Male cadavers are incapable of rendering any testimony.

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NORMAL PERSON : Beginner's luck
GRE STUDENT : Neophyte's serendipity.

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NORMAL PERSON : A rolling stone gathers no moss
GRE STUDENT : A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no congeries of small, green, biophytic plant.

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NORMAL PERSON : Birds of a feather flock together
GRE STUDENT : Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend to congregate.

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NORMAL PERSON : Beauty is only skin deep
GRE STUDENT : Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.

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NORMAL PERSON : Cleanliness is godliness
GRE STUDENT : Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.

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NORMAL PERSON : There's no use crying over spilt milk
GRE STUDENT : It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately departed lactile fluid.

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NORMAL PERSON : You can't try to teach an old dog new tricks
GRE STUDENT : It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers.

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NORMAL PERSON : Look before you leap
GRE STUDENT : Surveillance should precede saltation.

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NORMAL PERSON : He who laughs last, laughs best
GRE STUDENT : The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses thereby the optimal cachinnation.

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NORMAL PERSON : All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
GRE STUDENT : Exclusive dedication to necessitous chores without interludes of hedonistic diversion renders Jack a hebetudinous fellow.

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NORMAL PERSON : Where there's smoke, there's fire!
GRE STUDENT : Where there are visible vapours having their provenance in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.

"Deadlock" - Concept with beautiful example!!!

Who says women cant park?

Feelings...

When I saw your name next to mine,
In our wedding card,
I felt blessed.

When I saw you smile,
Seeing me in the traditional bride groom dress,
I felt teased.

When I held your hand,
During the marriage rituals,
I felt responsible.

When you entered my lonely bachelor life,
And changed it into a heavenly abode,
I felt lucky.

When you showed the same love as I did,
Towards my parents,
I felt proud.

When you scolded me,
For neglecting my heath amidst my hectic work,
I felt pampered.

When I saw you scream,
Crying out of labor pains,
I felt helpless.

When I saw tears of happiness in your eyes,
As you looked at our kid,
I felt blessed once again.

All these feeling have bloomed in my heart,
But are yet to blossom in reality.
As these are feelings I long to feel,
For these are still unfelt.

Will you marry me?

I LOVE MY NEWS PAPER

Fried Eggs!!

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband when, suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!

You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!

We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?

They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up!

Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."