Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Copy Paste Error

A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience. Said he: "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!"

The audience was in silence and shock.
The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"
Laughter and applause.

A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a drink.

He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"
The wife went wan with shock and rage.
Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "... and I can't remember who she was!"

Moral of the story:
Don't copy if you can't paste!

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Love Vs Arranged Marriage

Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage?

Love Marriage
  • Resembles procedural programming language. We have some set of functions like flirting, going to movies together, making long conversations on phone and then try to fit all functions to the candidate we like.
  • Family system hangs because hardware (called Parents) is not responding.
  • You are the project leader so "U" are responsible for implementation and execution of PROJECT- married life.
  • Client expectations include exciting feature as spouse cooking food, washing clothes etc.
  • Love Marriage is like Windows, beautiful n seductive…. Yet one never knows when it will crash….

Arranged Marriage
  • Similar to object oriented programming approach. We first fix the candidate and then try to implement functions on her. The functions are added to supplement the main program. The functions can be added or deleted.
  • Compatible with hardware( Parents).
  • You are a team member under project leader (parents) so they are responsible for successful execution of project Married life.
  • All these features are covered in the SRS (System Req. Specification) as required features.
  • Arranged Marriage is like Unix …. boring n colorless… still extremely reliable n robust.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Money speaks!!

video

Interview Blues

"PEOPLE who say that shyness is desirable don't know what they are talking about," said my husband. My four-year-old daughter Ambu, shy child that she is, had remained adamantly silent during her LKG interview last year.

This year my husband and I were trying to get her admitted into UKG in one of the best schools in the city. I decided that she should overcome her shyness. I learnt from my friend that the principal of the school encouraged children to be observant. She didn't ask them the usual inane questions. She would ask the child about what she'd seen that morning at home or on her way to school. In other words, she wanted children to be spontaneous.

I set about "training" Ambu to be spontaneous. I wanted Ambu to bowl the principal over with her intelligent answers. At the end of the interview, the principal would be so impressed with my daughter's intelligence that she would welcome her to the school.

What were the things Ambu needed to "observe" and talk about? What about plants and flowers? Yes, that would be a good beginning. I bought pots of chrysanthemums, zinnias, asparagus and balsam. I even contemplated buying poinsettia but was put off by the price. I taught her to say, "This morning, I saw red chrysanthemums, pink balsams and magenta zinnias in our garden."

I borrowed my neighbour's Great Dane puppies and taught Ambu to say, "I saw six Great Dane puppies this morning in my neighbour's garden. One of them was a brindled one." That would show the principal that Ambu could count and also that she had picked up difficult words like "brindled".

I taught Ambu to say, "This morning I saw my mother do her office work at home. She also made breakfast for me. I want to be like my mother when I grow up."

Training Ambu to make such "spontaneous" observations took a month. But now my husband and I were confident that this time the interview would be a breeze. There couldn't have been a more confident pair than the two of us as we strode into the principal's room, Ambu in tow. My friend had been right. The principal asked Ambu what she'd seen at home that morning.

We were on very sure ground. We'd prepared the child thoroughly for this. "Go on, Ambu. Tell the principal what you saw this morning," my husband encouragingly.

To our consternation, Ambu said, "Amma and appa had a fight this morning."

"Darling," I said. "I don't think you've understood the question. What did you observe this morning?"

"This morning I saw you and appa fight," she said doggedly. Turning to the principal, she said, "This is how it all began. Amma said to me, `Ambu you must do well in today's interview. You're a brilliant child like Kitchami thatha'."

"Kitchami thatha is my grandfather. He's mother's daddy," Ambu offered by way of explanation. She then continued, "Appa then said, `But she'll be even more brilliant if she takes after my father.'

"Amma said to appa, `Do you have to run down my family all the time?'

"Appa said, `I'm not trying to run down your family. I'm only speaking the truth.'

"Amma said, `My father won six gold medals in Maths.'

"Appa said, `My father won five gold medals in Physics.'

"Amma said, "But in qualities like patience, I hope she takes after me.'

"Appa said, `Patient? You? What a joke!'

"Then grandma said, `Stop fighting, the two of you. You'll be late for the interview. Everyone says the principal is a bulldog. You don't want to annoy her by being late.'

Ambu smiled at us and turning to the principal, she finished her narration with a flourish, "And that ma'am, is what I observed this morning." There was an awkward silence in the room. I was as red as a beetroot. My husband groaned in despair. I tried to salvage whatever shreds of dignity were left to us. I mumbled something to the principal about how nice it had been meeting her and took leave of her.

My mother-in-law was waiting anxiously for us. "How did it go? What did the bulldog ask the child," she asked us. "I did very well, paati," said Ambu. "I told the principal what I observed this morning."

"It was a nightmare," said my husband. The chrysanthemums and zinnias seemed to mock me. I retired to bed a nervous wreck.

A week later, a letter came from the school. "Why bother to open the envelope? I'm not interested in seeing the rejection letter," said my husband. I opened the cover. Inside was a letter, "Your child Ambujam has been admitted to the UKG class. Fees have to be paid before... " Appended to this was a handwritten note, "bulldogs have a sense of humour too."

Our Daily Life in a Software Company!!!


Better way to explain our daily life huh! ;)

Love knows no stain!!

video

What do women really want?

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur's youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed.

The question was: What do women really want?

Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and, to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. Well, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end. He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princess, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, the court jester. In all, he spoke with everyone but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

What most people did tell him was to consult the old witch, as only she would know the answer. The price would be high, since the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no alternative but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer his question, but he'd have to accept her price first: The old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified: she was hunchbacked and awfully hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage water, often made obscene noises. He had never run across such a repugnant creature. He refused to force his friend to marry her and have to endure such a burden.

Gawain, upon learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He told him that nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthur's question: What a woman really wants is to be able to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it went. The neighboring monarch spared Arthur's life and granted him total freedom.

What a wedding Gawain and the witch had! Arthur was torn between relief and anguish. Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous. The old witch put her worst manners on display. She ate with her hands, belched and farted, and made everyone uncomfortable.

The wedding night approached: Gawain, steeling himself for a horrific night, entered the bedroom. What a sight awaited! The most beautiful woman he'd ever seen lay before him! Gawain was astounded and asked what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her (when she'd been a witch), half the time she would be her horrible, deformed self, and the other half, she would be her beautiful maiden self.

She asked him which would he want her to be during the day and which during the night?

What a cruel question? Gawain began to think of his predicament: During the day a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his home, an old spooky witch? Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch, but by night a beautiful woman to enjoy many intimate moments?

What would you do? What Gawain chose follows below, but don't read until you've made your own choice.

Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose for herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time, because he had respected her and had let her be in charge of her own life.

The Moral of the Story: It doesn't matter if your woman is pretty or ugly, underneath it all, she's still a witch!

Important Health Message

Tamilnadu kidney Research Foundation

There is a foundation called TANKER (Tamilnadu kidney Research Foundation), where they treat all kidney related problems free of cost.

They even do Dialysis free of cost.

Please forward this message and let
people utilize this opportunity. It can help people who are in need.

Forward to all your friends, we do not know ...it may be helpful for at least one.

For details check the following website.

Before marriage and After marriage

Before marriage....

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!

After marriage....
Simply read from bottom to top.

Worldwide Survey word by word!

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the shortage of food in rest of the world".

The survey was a huge failure...... ... Do you know WHY?

* In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant.

* In Pakistan they didn't know what 'honest' meant.

* In Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant.

* In China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant.

* In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant.

* In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant.

* And in the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant.

Monday, January 7, 2008

How to correct a girl?

video

This is Why I didnt take up GRE !!!!!


A NORMAL PERSON : People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
GRE STUDENT
: Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting perilous projectiles.

*******************************************************


NORMAL PERSON
: Twinkle, twinkle, little star
GRE STUDENT
: Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minim.

*******************************************************

NORMAL PERSON : All that glitters is not gold.
GRE STUDENT
: All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.

*******************************************************

NORMAL PERSON : Beggars are not choosers
GRE STUDENT
: Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.

*******************************************************


NORMAL PERSON
: Dead men tell no tales
GRE STUDENT
: Male cadavers are incapable of rendering any testimony.

*******************************************************


NORMAL PERSON
: Beginner's luck
GRE STUDENT
: Neophyte's serendipity.

*******************************************************


NORMAL PERSON
: A rolling stone gathers no moss
GRE STUDENT
: A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no congeries of small, green, biophytic plant.

*******************************************************


NORMAL PERSON
: Birds of a feather flock together
GRE STUDENT
: Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend to congregate.

*******************************************************


NORMAL PERSON
: Beauty is only skin deep
GRE STUDENT
: Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.

*******************************************************


NORMAL PERSON
: Cleanliness is godliness
GRE STUDENT
: Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.

*********************************************************


NORMAL PERSON
: There's no use crying over spilt milk
GRE STUDENT
: It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately departed lactile fluid.

*******************************************************


NORMAL PERSON
: You can't try to teach an old dog new tricks
GRE STUDENT
: It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers.

*******************************************************

NORMAL PERSON
: Look before you leap
GRE STUDENT
: Surveillance should precede saltation.

*******************************************************

NORMAL PERSON
: He who laughs last, laughs best
GRE STUDENT
: The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses thereby the optimal cachinnation.

*******************************************************

NORMAL PERSON
: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
GRE STUDENT
: Exclusive dedication to necessitous chores without interludes of hedonistic diversion renders Jack a hebetudinous fellow.

*******************************************************

NORMAL PERSON
: Where there's smoke, there's fire!
GRE STUDENT
: Where there are visible vapours having their provenance in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.

"Deadlock" - Concept with beautiful example!!!

Who says women cant park?

video

Friday, January 4, 2008

Feelings...

When I saw your name next to mine,
In our wedding card,
I felt blessed.

When I saw you smile,
Seeing me in the traditional bride groom dress,
I felt teased.

When I held your hand,
During the marriage rituals,
I felt responsible.

When you entered my lonely bachelor life,
And changed it into a heavenly abode,
I felt lucky.

When you showed the same love as I did,
Towards my parents,
I felt proud.

When you scolded me,
For neglecting my heath amidst my hectic work,
I felt pampered.

When I saw you scream,
Crying out of labor pains,
I felt helpless.

When I saw tears of happiness in your eyes,
As you looked at our kid,
I felt blessed once again.

All these feeling have bloomed in my heart,
But are yet to blossom in reality.
As these are feelings I long to feel,
For these are still unfelt.

Will you marry me?

I LOVE MY NEWS PAPER

video

Fried Eggs!!

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband when, suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!

You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!

We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?

They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up!

Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."