Friendship!!

Horror gripped the heart of a World War-I soldier, as he saw his lifelong friend fall in battle. The soldier asked his Lieutenant if he could go out to bring his fallen comrade back.

"You can go," said the Lieutenant, "but don't think it will be worth it .Your friend is probably dead and you may throw your life away."

The Lieutenant's words didn't matter, and the soldier went anyway.
Miraculously, he managed to reach his friend, hoisted him onto his shoulder and brought him back to their company's trench.
The officer checked the wounded soldier, then looked kindly at his friend.
" I told you it wouldn't be worth it," he said. "Your friend is dead and you are mortally wounded."
"It was worth it, Sir," said the soldier.
"What do you mean by worth it?" responded the Lieutenant."Your friend is
dead."
"Yes Sir," the soldier answered, “but it was worth it because when I got to him, he was still alive and I
had the satisfaction of hearing him say.......








" Man...I knew you would come ! "

INTELLIGENT WOMAN

Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter.
10 men and 1 woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them
all, so they decided that 1 had to leave,
because otherwise they were all going to fall.
They weren't able to choose that person,
until the woman gave a very touching speech.

She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because,
as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her
husband and kids or for men in general, and was
used to always making sacrifices with little in return.
As soon as she finished her speech,
all the men started clapping .......

Father knows best

A young boy had just gotten his driver's license and inquired of his father, if they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his son. "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we'll talk about the car."

The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer and they agreed on it.After about six weeks his father said,

"Son, I've been real proud. You brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm real disappointed you haven't gotten your hair cut."

The young man paused a moment then said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that,and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair."

To this his father replied, "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"

Cup of Tea

To all the poor innocent Dads out there:

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.
I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident.
Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up.

Then she says, (as only a mother would know... :)

'Did it ever occur to you that the only place that our baby can reach to get water is the toilet????'

Adam's Love

It was a cheerful day in the college campus. Red roses, hearty balloons and greeting cards were seen everywhere. Every face had a smile and every hand had a hand to clasp. Amidst this lovely environment sat Susanna, wondering if anything was wrong with her. A new kind of loneliness filled her heart in spite of her being a cheerful bubbly girl with lots of friends. "Am I not worth it?" was the question running in her mind. She looked up and saw all her friends with their own partners happily exchanging presents.

"Susanna", came a voice, which disturbed her thinking. It was Abi, her best pal in class. He had his own trademark smile on his face as he sat near her. "Why are you sitting alone?" he asked her, with an all-knowing glitter in his eyes. She felt that he could really read her mind. "Can I ask you a question?" asked Abi. She nodded with affirmation. "Whom do you think Adam would have selected as his life-partner before Eve came into his life?". Susanna looked all puzzled because this thought had never crossed her mind before.

Abi said, "Well, I have a story to read to you Susanna, are you in a mood to listen?" Susanna nodded again.

"As he looked up and saw all the animals and all of the earth, he felt very proud to be the ruler of all. Adam was very happy in his kingdom "The Garden of Eden". As he walked past the animals, he saw that every animal had a pair. A sudden loneliness filled his heart.

Now, if he had decided to search for his partner on his own, he would have searched all of his Garden of Eden and would have got dejected. He would have consoled himself and would have settled for the cutest of the cutest Chimpanzee. He would have showered it with all his love. He would have clasped its hands. He would have told the Chimpanzee how much it means to him. Probably he would have even tried to kiss it and show his love.

But all his actions would have gone in vain. Though he consciously would have decided to accompany the Chimpanzee wherever it went,he would not have experienced true happiness or true love. Neither the Chimpanzee nor Adam would have understood each other's language.

Instead you know what Adam did? He knew God would give him his life-partner. He waited. And sure enough, God gave him Eve, a beautiful young woman whom Adam wouldn't even have imagined. They understood each other so well. They lived together expressing and exchanging true love and bliss."

Susanna's eyes lit up. She understood what Abi was ablout to tell her.

Dear friends, if you feel you are single and lonely, you have two options...
One - you can go and search of your life-partner yourself. But remember, all you'll get is just the cutest of the cutest Chimpanzee.
Two - You can decide to wait and depend on God to give you your soul mate, your Adam/Eve.

If you think you've already found your sweetheart and that your sweetheart does not understand your feelings and is always being indifferent to you, please understand that Chimpanzee do not understand Human's language and emotions.

Business!!! - nice one

The Manager says: "Do you have any sales experience?"

The Indian says: "Sir, I was a salesman back home in India."

Well, the boss liked the Indian chappie so he gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow.. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the boss came down.

"How many sales did you make today?"

Indian boy says: "Sir, Just ONE sale."

The boss says: "Just one? No! No! No! You see here our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day." If you want to keep this job, you'd better be doing better than just one sale. By the way, how much was the sale for?"

Indian boy says: " $101 237. 64"

Boss says: "$101 237. 64? What the hell did you sell?"

Indian boy says: "Sir, First I sell him small fishhook. Then I sell him medium fishhook. Then I sell him large fishhook. Then I sold him new fishing rod and some fishing gear. Then I ask him where he's going fishing and he said down on the coast, so I told him he'll be needing a boat, so we went down to the boating department and I sell him twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to our automotive department and sell him that 4X4 Blazer. I then ask him where he'll be staying, and since he had no accommodation, I took him to camping department and sell him one of those new igloo 6 sleeper camper tents. Then the guy said, while we're at it, I should throw in about $100 worth of groceries and two cases of beer.

The boss said: "You're not serious? A guy came in here to buy a fishhook and you sold him a boat, a 4X4 truck and a tent?"

Indian boy says: "No Sirji, actually he came in to buy Anacin for his headache, and I said: Well, fishing is the best way to relax your mind."

Interview Blues

"PEOPLE who say that shyness is desirable don't know what they are talking about," said my husband. My four-year-old daughter Ambu, shy child that she is, had remained adamantly silent during her LKG interview last year.

This year my husband and I were trying to get her admitted into UKG in one of the best schools in the city. I decided that she should overcome her shyness. I learnt from my friend that the principal of the school encouraged children to be observant. She didn't ask them the usual inane questions. She would ask the child about what she'd seen that morning at home or on her way to school. In other words, she wanted children to be spontaneous.

I set about "training" Ambu to be spontaneous. I wanted Ambu to bowl the principal over with her intelligent answers. At the end of the interview, the principal would be so impressed with my daughter's intelligence that she would welcome her to the school.

What were the things Ambu needed to "observe" and talk about? What about plants and flowers? Yes, that would be a good beginning. I bought pots of chrysanthemums, zinnias, asparagus and balsam. I even contemplated buying poinsettia but was put off by the price. I taught her to say, "This morning, I saw red chrysanthemums, pink balsams and magenta zinnias in our garden."

I borrowed my neighbour's Great Dane puppies and taught Ambu to say, "I saw six Great Dane puppies this morning in my neighbour's garden. One of them was a brindled one." That would show the principal that Ambu could count and also that she had picked up difficult words like "brindled".

I taught Ambu to say, "This morning I saw my mother do her office work at home. She also made breakfast for me. I want to be like my mother when I grow up."

Training Ambu to make such "spontaneous" observations took a month. But now my husband and I were confident that this time the interview would be a breeze. There couldn't have been a more confident pair than the two of us as we strode into the principal's room, Ambu in tow. My friend had been right. The principal asked Ambu what she'd seen at home that morning.

We were on very sure ground. We'd prepared the child thoroughly for this. "Go on, Ambu. Tell the principal what you saw this morning," my husband encouragingly.

To our consternation, Ambu said, "Amma and appa had a fight this morning."

"Darling," I said. "I don't think you've understood the question. What did you observe this morning?"

"This morning I saw you and appa fight," she said doggedly. Turning to the principal, she said, "This is how it all began. Amma said to me, `Ambu you must do well in today's interview. You're a brilliant child like Kitchami thatha'."

"Kitchami thatha is my grandfather. He's mother's daddy," Ambu offered by way of explanation. She then continued, "Appa then said, `But she'll be even more brilliant if she takes after my father.'

"Amma said to appa, `Do you have to run down my family all the time?'

"Appa said, `I'm not trying to run down your family. I'm only speaking the truth.'

"Amma said, `My father won six gold medals in Maths.'

"Appa said, `My father won five gold medals in Physics.'

"Amma said, "But in qualities like patience, I hope she takes after me.'

"Appa said, `Patient? You? What a joke!'

"Then grandma said, `Stop fighting, the two of you. You'll be late for the interview. Everyone says the principal is a bulldog. You don't want to annoy her by being late.'

Ambu smiled at us and turning to the principal, she finished her narration with a flourish, "And that ma'am, is what I observed this morning." There was an awkward silence in the room. I was as red as a beetroot. My husband groaned in despair. I tried to salvage whatever shreds of dignity were left to us. I mumbled something to the principal about how nice it had been meeting her and took leave of her.

My mother-in-law was waiting anxiously for us. "How did it go? What did the bulldog ask the child," she asked us. "I did very well, paati," said Ambu. "I told the principal what I observed this morning."

"It was a nightmare," said my husband. The chrysanthemums and zinnias seemed to mock me. I retired to bed a nervous wreck.

A week later, a letter came from the school. "Why bother to open the envelope? I'm not interested in seeing the rejection letter," said my husband. I opened the cover. Inside was a letter, "Your child Ambujam has been admitted to the UKG class. Fees have to be paid before... " Appended to this was a handwritten note, "bulldogs have a sense of humour too."

What do women really want?

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur's youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed.

The question was: What do women really want?

Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and, to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. Well, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end. He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princess, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, the court jester. In all, he spoke with everyone but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

What most people did tell him was to consult the old witch, as only she would know the answer. The price would be high, since the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no alternative but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer his question, but he'd have to accept her price first: The old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified: she was hunchbacked and awfully hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage water, often made obscene noises. He had never run across such a repugnant creature. He refused to force his friend to marry her and have to endure such a burden.

Gawain, upon learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He told him that nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthur's question: What a woman really wants is to be able to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it went. The neighboring monarch spared Arthur's life and granted him total freedom.

What a wedding Gawain and the witch had! Arthur was torn between relief and anguish. Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous. The old witch put her worst manners on display. She ate with her hands, belched and farted, and made everyone uncomfortable.

The wedding night approached: Gawain, steeling himself for a horrific night, entered the bedroom. What a sight awaited! The most beautiful woman he'd ever seen lay before him! Gawain was astounded and asked what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her (when she'd been a witch), half the time she would be her horrible, deformed self, and the other half, she would be her beautiful maiden self.

She asked him which would he want her to be during the day and which during the night?

What a cruel question? Gawain began to think of his predicament: During the day a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his home, an old spooky witch? Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch, but by night a beautiful woman to enjoy many intimate moments?

What would you do? What Gawain chose follows below, but don't read until you've made your own choice.

Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose for herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time, because he had respected her and had let her be in charge of her own life.

The Moral of the Story: It doesn't matter if your woman is pretty or ugly, underneath it all, she's still a witch!

Fried Eggs!!

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband when, suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!

You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!

We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?

They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up!

Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."